...oh for the love of--

[He hollers, apparently out into the Den.] Somebody's dead!

[A rustle and a beat of much smaller feet on hardwood signal Yuusuke's exit from his room. The transmission times out.]

[ooc; Sorry to post this tonight -- I won't get a chance to post it in the morning, but please make believe it's being posted then, probably around nine or ten am idk. Yuusuke's visit with Ihy to try and retrieve Kurama's manhood has not gone as planned.]

[Quietly, almost to himself:] Sonovabitch, what a goddamn freakshow.

[Then, louder, as he addresses the actual device.] Like it wasn't bad a-fuckin'-nough when the brat busted loose and got of to who knows where... 's stupid is what it is, whole goddamn thing.

FILTERED FROM KURAMA
EASILY HACKABLE

[He sounds mildly agonized.] Goddamn it, goddamn it, I know he's a guy, but that's not even fair! Come the fuck on! Okay, look, I admit, I'm straight, I like tits and ass just as much as the next guy, but not when they're--

Y'know.

Y'know.

Keep lookin' over to talk to him, mindin' my own business, just wanting to clarify something incredibly basic that I've somehow forgotten about one way or another, and sonovabitch, y'know what I mean?

Christ.

/FILTERED FROM KURAMA

PRIVATE TO KUWABARA
EASILY HACKABLE

Look, this is really wearin' at my sanity, Imma go pick a bone with that Ihy kid tomorrow, see if I can't swap something for Kurama's manhood back. Don't say anything to 'im, okay? I know how pissed he gets when I secret-keep, but I don't want him worrying about me.

/PRIVATE TO KUWABARA

[Grumbles lowly.] Really startin' to piss me off, that's what it is. And like that's not bad enough, everybody's pissy about one thing or another. It's always something with this fuckin' place.

[Yuusuke's voice is low. A lot darker than it has been in a while. There is no strain for control. His rage is ice cold.] We've got her.

Make up your mind, staying or going.

[And then the line goes silent.]

Oi, Gohan, hit me up.

I got your brother.

PRIVATE TO THE TANTEI
WHICH INCLUDES KURAMA, HIEI, AND KUWABARA
[EASILY HACKABLE]

I can't sit around and let this happen.

I'm not saying any of you can either, but you know me. I know me.

Sakura is around here. Somewhere. Aaron is around here, there are people looking for 'em and there is no way I'm not going to be one of those people. Kurama, how much of this forest are you actually...like, aware of? Are they... They couldn't be in here, could they?

Because Naruto's not.

I don't know what's up with that kid, but he's not him, something's wrong. Like he's... I dunno. Possessed. Or something. Talks like a fucking smartass and tools around like the biggest douche in the world, and last time I even fiddled with anything like that, it was insects we could knock outta people. And I dunno, maybe it's a bug.

But I don't think we're gunna just be able to knock it outta him.

I guess I'm pullin' something like a Tantei meeting. We either do something, or I do something and you guys clean up my mess. Which isn't your job. I know.

/PRIVATE TO TANTEI

This place just keeps on gettin' more and more annoying. I wake up even one more time to god knows what landing in the forest. Don't try to pull any shit, I know there was something. We all do. Just those tremors, don't try to fuck with me, there's something here and something's coming.

I don't know what it is. But it's coming.

And I don't wanna hear anything about it.

Sackdoll search ain't goin' that great - seems like I've kicked a few buildings apart already, but I think they might just come that way. I don't know. Maybe Kurara's got a nose for 'em. Might as well check.

[Yuusuke sounds completely flat; his voice is expressionless, and it's hard to tell whether he's calm, or simply too exhausted to express anything more than the base minimum.] Look, I know nothing's sure yet, but I'm calling it at twenty, twenty five at the least. I can't...look. Anymore. It's just...dust and more dust, ash and more ash.

Shit on top of more shit.

We lose any more we aren't even gunna have a world.

And then we're just gunna hafta call it "End," and that's pretty much the shittiest thing I've ever heard.

Okay, fess up, how many of there are you. There's gotta be more than one. Seriously not cool, you guys, if he's so dead sure about it, this has been brewing for awhile.

HOW MANY OTHER PEOPLE THINK ME AN' KURAMA ARE AN ITEM.

Gotta be fuckin' kiddin' me, this is ridiculous.

Ridiculous, ask first you assholes, don't just go makin' your own shit up, next person who pulls that shit is getting a new hole in their face.

PRIVATE TO KURAMA
EASILY HACKABLE

No offense or anything.

...fuckin' idiots.

Uh, hey, look, reason I'm posting-- What's up with Kuwabara, man? You got a look at 'im this morning, right? What's the damage? Moron won't tell me a damn thing, apparently thinks I'm stupid enough to believe all he's got is a headache.

Cuz that's not what he's got, is it?

/PRIVATE TO KURAMA

I'm in an apocalyptic wasteland with barely any of the stuff I went to the trouble of haulin' outta Manhattan and I'm surrounded by motherfucking retards. I don't even know which part's worse.

So, as predicted, you take Kurama out to a dance club in Manhattan and half the city feels a physical compulsion to show up and hit on him.

[There's a voice in the background, clearly audible but a ways from the mic.] I highly doubt it was half the city, Yuusuke.

Doubt all ya want, man, I'm still right. I don't even know where they kept all those skanks, cuz they sure as hell weren't there when we got there. Hell, I don't know how Alex and Claire managed to visit a gay strip bar when all the gays were showin' up at ours.

...don't gimme that look, it's true!

You're exaggerating. Quite gregariously, even.

Yeah, well.

...okay, fine. It was a lot, though.

[Yuusuke's filming himself in a way that's very...blogger, for someone who was born and raised in the early nineties. He's on his back on an unfamiliar pair of couch cushions, the newness of which looks very, very strange when juxtaposed against the fire-scarred dirt floor of the Den. Kurara occasionally scampers busily in and out of the picture, apparently very pleased about something, but there is little indication as to what it could be. Yuusuke starts talking:]

So. I'm pretty sure we got everything. On the downside, I don't think we can ever go back to the Marriott ever again.

On the upside, we gotta new couch and about... [He trails off, giving his spoils a quick once over.] three sets of brand new twin sheets with matching comforters, seven little shampoos and soaps, a whole shitload of towels, some new dishes-- oh, and a battery powered coffee maker. How's that for self-service? [He looks overwhelmingly smug about the whole thing.] And that's on everything I got yesterday 'n Friday, too.

I'd say we're pretty good. Least for a few months.

[He pauses before grinning slyly, again.]

And hey, Kurama, I didn't do anything public. That's gotta be worth somethin', right?

[The feed ends.]

[ooc; Before anyone asks, there is a cup sitting on Kurama's dresser with a few magnolia blossoms in it. He's dead, but it's funny.]

[There is an image attached to the post - it is a picture of a list on the back of a paper bag, detailing the need for food - including ramen, udon, soba, cola, sake and otsumami - and shoes beneath a jumble of sackdoll doodles.]

Okay, guys.

Much as I swore I'd never say this ever?

Get your shit.

We're goin' shopping.

[ooc; please make believe I made this post earlier.]

[The feed begins shakily before Yuusuke sets it down; his face is drawn, his whole body tensed. Kurama's sackdoll is clinging to the side of his neck, its eyes as hard as stones, its hair mussed. The house behind him is ransacked. The cause of his post type is evident from the shirt he has up over his nose, which would make a voice post too incoherent.]

You guys, get home.

Now.

Kurama, you ain't gunna like this.

[He seems completely flat, but if one listens closely enough to his voice, there's a waver to it. Yuusuke is - for lack of a better term - flipping his shit. And for good reason - anything that can get in and out of the Den undetected is something to worry about. Especially something that can get in to the Den, sabotage it, and get out undetected.]

Fuck, it fucking reeks. [He recoils a short way from the camera.] Like rotten eggs.

...goddamnit, where the hell am I gunna sleep now?!

[The feed cuts out.]

How many are we gunna frickin' lose? This is ridiculous, people aren't even getting killed this time. They're just up and vanishing.

... Oi, you better all stick put. I don't know what the hell's going on, but don't get spirited off or whatever it is that's going on.

Speakin' of leaving, Hiei, you goin' back with your sister? Not that I really care, I think they're probably capable of handling themselves just fine, just seemed like an applicable question. Seems kinda pointless if ya just keep showing up in the morning, anyway. But hey, who am I to judge, I've got a couch now 'ts practically molded to me. [He makes a sound between a snort and a scoff.] Thought I'd ask.

Front lot's pretty well clean now - I know Zuko's gone now, but I went over his patches and he took care a things pretty damn well. Can't say the same for the company he kept - that one guy who came passing through totally reeked of smoke 'n shit - but, y'know, win some lose some. Kid better be keepin' his ass on straight.

They all better.

And the idiots a Yuffie's better get theirs back here.

Saah... [It sounds like he's stretching.] This place is boring even when people are evaporating left and right.

Think I just became an even worse person for thinkin' that.

Heh.

[The feed cuts.]

[The post starts out with him grumbling in a low, barely audible voice; whether he's aware the communicator is on or not is unclear.] Fuckin' women and their fuckin' feelings. Saw my fingers off why don't you, see if I even ask next time. Fuck me fer even saying anything, "common decency" my ass, etiquette can fucking suck me fer all I care... [There's a small clatter in the background, as if he's kicking at a rock.]

[He stops muttering. It sounds as if this is where he intends to begin his post.] So a whole bunch of yardwork is not actually the best remedy to a hangover. But seein' that we didn't bring any liquor home it was pretty much that or find some other way to avoid Hiei for the whole day. Oh, did I fail to mention that one? Yeah, you think demons are shitty now, you go out and get a hangover and then wake up in the same house as Hiei, I fuckin' dare you. That is endurance training. I don't care what you say. That definitely counts as endurance training.

Anyway, Josh is pretty good at that whole "sit, stay, weed and water the ones I can't and don't make any unnecessary noises, would ya" thing. I mean, for a kid. I think Kurama's mini likes him. I don't dislike him or anything. He's okay. Better company 'n you'd think. Not that I really need any one way or another. Good at the whole plant thing, too. Long as those plants don't have teeth or anything. Which they didn't, Claire, chill out. We're talkin' dandelions and orchids, okay. And the motherfuckin' begonias. Yeah, when Kurama says a plant's pissed at me, what he really means is that if it had limbs it would be beating the everloving shit outta me. You never had plants pissed at you, I don't expect you to get it. Just trust me, s'not good.

As far as people go, seems like they come in go out in waves. Bigger the inflow, bigger the runoff. Know what I mean?

...che. Better not lose anybody else.

[The feed ends.]

Dear Motherfucking Self,

If I find you, I'm going to fucking kill you.

You know, strike that. I'm going to fucking kill you.

End of story.

You're dead to both of us,
The Real One





Dear World's End,








...sorry.

No, seriously. I'm not good at this at all so just... I don't know.

Hit me if I deserve it.



... That's all I got.

Sincerely,
Yuusuke





I'm not going to ask what happened. Contrary to popular belief, I can read. And scroll. And scroll some more, fucking hell. I don't... Look, I don't think you will, but don't come looking for me. I'm back to normal except for that whole neon green thing, I think, but...

Look, you can all go at me as soon as I have things figured out. Trust me, I'm good with that. I got nothing to say one way or another, no way way to defend myself, and absolutely no issue with you ripping me limb from limb. You guys can have a piece of me. Any piece you want.

I just want one first.

[There is a loud, willowy crack followed by a high pitched squealing as the plants suffering Yuusuke's abuse rustle angrily and recoil from him. When he speaks, his voice is entirely calm - perhaps smirking at the edges - but contains none of its typical raucousness. He sounds level. Content.]

Ah, fox~ ♥

I'm going out. Fishing, maybe? Your plants don't seem to like me very much right now.

Don't know when I'll be back. Take care of yourself, mm? Wouldn't want to come home to you in pieces again.

Now what to fish for.

[ooc; World's End, meet door!Yuusuke, ic!Yuusuke's opposite in every possible way. He'll be like this until the event end on Friday - feel free to strike up a conversation with him. He's not as chatty as his alterego, but he's got something to say to everything.]

[There's dripping and some soft sounds of hospital goings on in the background.] So, there really was a rat guy. Least that's what he looks like. He's also really dead. Like, I don't how dead he looked when he was alive? But he's dead now. Trust me. Sakura apparently put 'im through a wall. I wouldn't believe it if the hole wasn't shaped like him. For anybody who was worried, Yukina's fine. Completely whole.

The ice didn't stick, so it's wetter in here than usual. You guys slip, that's your deal. There's towels, but like I said, I only got the one set a clothes.

Okay, look. Rat men. I wanna know what you guys know. Obviously they aren't invincible, but they aren't showin' up in swarms either. And if the wards were supposed to work, they ain't. Doesn't look like they show up on our radar as clearly as they should - don't ask me why. Shit is the way it is. What I want are facts. No, "I think," none of that, "well maybe," bullcrap, I want facts. Somebody's gotta have facts on these shitbags. And I want 'em soon.

Anybody sees another one, give the network a shout, me an' Kuwabara'll be there before you can rattle much else. And stick together none a this lone wolf "I'm gunna run off an' kill shit on my own." You wanna that's your deal, but we split up and we're gunna get nabbed. Trust me on this one. I don't care how fast or slow shit goes, until it's over it ain't over, and you better stick to your guns until then. Hope they stick on you.

Oi, Kurama, I got stakes, but fuck me if twine even exists here. What'd you need it for, anyway?

Is it necessary for it to go from being sunny to it pouring rain? Really? I ain't Urashimatarou and I don't got any turtle princesses on me. Ain't that great a swimmer, either, now that I think about it.

Oi. All a you, I wanna status report. We're either goin' out or we ain't. I'm kind of voting the latter. These are my only pants.

Anybody heard anything from Sakura or them?

PRIVATE TO KURAMA
EASILY HACKABLE
You didn't scare me that bad, just gimme some warning next time. Scared's not even the right word. More like spooked. And how long does it take to fix dead trees, it's been almost an hour.

...and what the hell's hangin' from the ceiling, anyway?

Are they edible, cuz your mini apparently thinks so.

...just get your ass back in here already.



So we're back to phase one, I guess. Mega edge. You guys feel it too, right? Whatever's coming, s'like we're hemmed in or some shit. I don't know what it is but it's there. I'm damn tired of waiting already. If he's gunna do something, he better do it soon, the bastard.

Che... At any rate, place is crawlin' with fresh meat. They just keep on comin'. We gotta be up there by now...at least ten a ya, right? I don't know, every time I look away, I look back and there's at least two more people here that I've never seen before. Not to mention that all the hermits seems to have picked now to crawl outta their caves. Fuckin' ridiculous. Well, at least a few of 'em aren't completely useless. Better'n what I've come to expect a this shithole.

Can't envy the timing, though.

Wonder if he's in charge a that, too.

Anyway, look, the name's Urameshi Yuusuke. I'm big, I'm bad, I've got a nasty temper. You don't want trouble, don't come lookin' for it. Stay outta my way and you can keep your face the same shape it is right now, yeah? ♥

I don't know if you guys wanna go out today or not. If we're goin', we're goin'. If we're not, we better be doin' something. I'm not in the mood for sitting still.

And, oi, Shishiwakamaru, if yer alive, give us a shout. Or something. You too, Juri.

If we're gunna go, we should go. Like now. That means you Kuwbara. Everybody's ears are back in shape and nobody's barfing, and as long as there ain't fog, have legs will travel.

Or something like that.

Quake shook a bunch a shit up that shouldn't be shook, so watch yer asses. I haven't been out in a while so I'll be workin' on burning off the excess. You guys wanna spar when we get home, that's good with me, but as of now there's people who needa get dug out cuz they weren't smart enough to get outta the way.

Oi, Yukina, you're still hosptial-bound, yeah?

We don't start moving my hands are gunna burn holes in me.

Or something.

PRIVATE TO CRIMSON KING
EASILY HACKABLE

Fuckin' sorry sonovabitch. Go ahead and pick a time when I am any less willing to put up your shit, I fucking dare you. Yeah, bet you couldn't. Way to go. You're not getting anybody, this time. I fucking guarantee it. It's been two weeks. You really think you can pull this shit again? Gunna rip your sorry ass apart, you trust me on that. Was pissed off to begin with, you just go ahead and try me. See what fucking happens.

It's been two weeks. Two weeks, and you think you can pull this shit again?

You're fucking dead.

And you're not getting anybody.

/PRIVATE TO CRIMSON KING

... Look, I understand there's a point to me stickin' inside and it's gunna be easier for everybody else in the long run, but fuck, how long is this gunna last? No offense or anything but didn't I just get outta here? All for the best yada yada yada, c'mon, how long, you guys. I fuckin' hate bein' stuck inside.

I'm not a coward. He wants me, he can't have me. Can't have anybody.

I'll be fine.

... Yeah, yeah, yeah, fine. I still want a release date. Fuckin' bad enough that I was pissed off to begin with. Fucking-- People like her fuckin' piss me off. Think they fuckin' know everything, fucking piss. Me. Off. And now I can't even go outside and beat the everloving shit out of anything. Fuckin' a. C'mon, I'm not even that young.

All I know is that if they want trouble they got it.

Fuckers.

[ooc; Edited twice for epic LJ and HTML failure.]

Mm. [There's a significant amount of shifting, as if Yuusuke's stretching out his stiff muscles mid-sentence.] Thaaaat's nice.

Sure as hell ain't sayin' ready or not. Even if it's true.

Got an agenda, all four limbs, and the ability to walk. Holy damn I'm set for life.

So c'mon, lay it on me, what'd I miss? Cuz experience says, "not much."